Friday, August 10, 2007 @2:45 PM
while most if not all of my friends are busy with orientation week and all sorts of camps that dont seem to end, i have been working very hard, trying to convince myself that its okay to be out of the standard system that all my friends are in. life has been quite fine for me so far, except that universities activities are stealing my friends away from me!!! haha. its okay... we are connected by our hearts, mind and soul. hahaha.
this few months will be a good time for me to set new goals, steer myself in the right direction and perhaps reassess my values, principles and judgements. suddenly i just end up thinking if i will regret my decision now(which is to be a doctor), maybe 10 years later? will i ever end up hating this profession and detest myself for not heeding my dad's advice (to take up business)? to be honest, i am looking forward to school, which is starting in few months time, because of two main reasons. one, i get to start a new phase of life in a new place.. it feels kind of like rebirth? where everything start from zero again... and the other reason is definitely because i am reading a course that i am very very interested in! but is the passion going to last me for 6 years, 10 years, and even a lifetime? i have no idea. its a dream that i have been pursuing and i hope to live it well. but what is going to happen after i achieve my goal? its like we always hope for dreams to come true.. but did we ever consider what is it going to be like after dreams REALLY come true? i mean do we have to come up with new dreams or we can then lead a life aimlessly ever after.. haha. life is going to plain and bland if we have got no aims and aspirations... so lesson is to never stop dreaming! :)
like what chaorong said (he requested his name to be mentioned), doctor is a profession that can allow you to lead a comfortable life but its not going to make you rich. i absolutely agree with his statement (for the first time). but its okay cos my main purpose in life is not to make big bucks! haha. this profession looks glamourous and everyone will go ''oh woah..." when you happen to tell them that you are a doctor... thats when they will start to look at you differently, speak to you politely and expect you to fulfil a certain ideal image they have in their minds. but does how i look, talk and present myself determine if i make a good doctor? haha. obviously not. but sadly image counts and definitely make a big difference... at least in singapore. okay, i am trying to visualise myself in 6 years time, after i graduate from medical school... i really wonder what will i be like? but visualisations can be quite inaccurate... so i give up. what is the kind of doctor that i want to be next time? what is the impression that i want to leave on my co-workers, patients and even strangers? its a choice. my choice to be exact. but that will probably take me a few more years to decide.
frankly, its really naive for people to think that being a doctor is an easy task. especially when people go "doctor ah. make alot of money one lor, see patient for 5 minutes then write a few things and earn 30bucks already" or "wah this clinic is many people ah, doctor sure make tonnes of money one, rich like siao" haha. please la. life is more than just MONEY. haha. you are paying for the consultation, the medication and the responsibility that the doctor have to bear if anything goes wrong. its like when a clerk makes a typo error in a document, she will only get niao-ed by her boss and have to redo the assignment again. but can you imagine what happens when a doctor make a wrong diagnosis, or even wrong prescription? i really hope that will never happen to me! hahaha. okay i thinking too far! but seriously, its a super duper big thing can? there are just so many dilemmas that a doctor will have to face and i am not sure if i am ready for it. like how to attain a win-win situation for the doctor and the patient, how to keep balance your life with work and family, how to stick to your stand and principles, when to say 'i want to...' and 'i have to...'? haha. i have so many questions in mind! but i guess i will be one to have the best answer for them...
i have to admit i am changing.. changing all the time. (i mean who doesnt?) and i dont think there's anything wrong with changing as long as i am changing for the better. okay. then you will ask how do i define better... haha. but thats beside the point! so perhaps one day i will find this whole entry a crap... haha. but for the time being, this are some things that has been on my mind... there is no room for love (bgr kind) right now. but considering the fact that i change alot.. maybe it will be different next week. hahhahaha. just joking! im not so fickle-minded okay! :) i am reading alot now. trying to get my brain cells to start working actively again. haha. i guess its time that i acquire some skills that will come in handy when i start working next time. i love self-help books. they are really really interesting! afterall, i think being a doctor is not about regurgitating everything that you have learnt in medical school to your patient in that short consultation of about 5-10 minutes. its how you apply what you have learnt and get your message across effectively and efficiently. how you bring yourself to the level of the patient and communicate with them, understand what their concerns and win their trust. hmm.. okay i am inspired by the doctors around me cos i definitely feel that they are doing a very good job! :)
so.. aims/goals for the time being...
graduate from medical school within 6 years.. lets hope i dont get retained and i will try to work hard so i can complete it earlier? haha
work in the hospital for another 15 years? preferably in O&G... if not paediatrics is great too!
after i earn enough money for me and my family to live the rest of our lives comfortably, i want to join the WHO in their overseas projects in 3rd world countries...
of course during the process of all these, i hope to find a good man, get married and have kids :) haha
hmm. all these are tender to change by adeline without prior notification. who knows whats going to happen tomorrow? :)
